An early-December rambly post about nothing

Oh lordy I’ve been busy. Sort of. The past few months I’ve been legit having endless shit to do. Cars breaking down, shit needing to be bought, a shed to be built, and work to be worked. Add in learning to be a supervisor in the mix and I’m stressed, I’m anxious, and some days I have no idea what the hell I’m even trying to do in life besides just hope for the best and wing it.

All of that is a long way to say fuck no I haven’t been doing any writing. Or anything creative at all for that manner.

When I get home from work and there’s Elden Ring to be played, that takes priority as it rightfully should. Fuck writing. Writing is hard. Writing is a chore. And the question I always ask: what is the point of blogging again?

Thanks to that pheonomal book Atomic Habit (post about it) I’ve been making real changes in my life. I’m starting small. I’m not trying to have any main goals at all. I’m focusing on making habits of doing the things I want to do. The joy follows the habit, so it seems, not the other way around. Who would’ve thunk it.

I tried establishing a habit to weight lift. I’ve been lifting every day for nearly a month now; sadly I lost track of the actual count. Good and bad I guess. And what happened? Um, my arms are getting fucking huge now! Not like huge-huge — I only lift for like ten minutes a day — but I underestimated how much this adds up with consistency. I feel stronger and healthy and much more lively. It’s all about the consistency, one big lesson the fucking tosses in your face.

Enough about that, let’s fucking get a writing habit going. See? A writing habit, not ‘I need to write more.’ So I’m going to do that. Write something every day and it doesn’t matter what that something is. I can journal, a very lazy thing to do, or blog. Or write a chapter. Or poetry. Fuck, I could even include song-writing into it further diversifying my writing possiblites!

There are real challenges to daily writing. My cheap laptop is out-of-comission to put it lightly, and has anyone reading this tried to do serious writing and editing on a phone? It’s a nightmare! I’m getting by on my shitty Tab A with the shitty WordPress app and bluetooth keyboard but oh is it a chore.

I just hit enter to move to a new paragraph. It took more than thirty seconds to actually register. I say ‘more than’ because I hopped up to piss. Whey I came back it had finally moved. For accuracy let’s say between thirty seconds and two minutes. God I hate writing on this thing.

Another fourty seconds, a new paragraph! God I hate this thing. Another thing I need to write is privacy. Or peace. Or silence. The ability to let my mind focus on one task. Our house is packed so every room has someone watching a TV, playing a game, talking, being loud, or whatever else. It’s their right to be loud and obnoxious, its what adult teens do, but it does not help my writing situation. I need a place to hide, preferrably dark at night or sunny in the day, with house plants if I can swring it. With the shed too far for convience and the season to cold, my options are home. And with so many people here finding a place to really foucs and write is near impossible.

My current desk, filled with junk and not comfy or ideal at all, is located in our main room along the wall and along the main walkway in the room. Traffic is always high and someone is always gaming or watching this TV. This post only happened because everyone by chance decided to fuck off elsewhere in the house. I love them but I also love my silence and for once want to write. Holy shit when did that happen?

God I hate this setup. I need to buy a new laptop or PC. It’s like a requirement at this point. Luckily I fixed my fancy bluetooth headphones stolen from my sister’s ex like a decade ago, replacing the propabaly-old-as-fuck battery with a relativley new one from a vape. They actually seem to work properly now. I’ll bust out the classical music and blare everyone out.

Conclusion paragraph, let’s end this. I’ve been writing for an hour somehow, way longer than I inteneded. And this isn’t even that much to show for an hour: thank you shitty Tab A and WordPress. I’m not even going to muse about using the work PC for writing or proofread this. It’s not a real post anyways. Okay see ya guys, bye!