PB&J Sandwiches are Awesome

I think I might try something different going forward. Something along the lines of Shitpost Tuesdays. I’ve been way too serious with my writings lately, trying to make the blog more “professional” or something. Think of all the video game posts from last year. Ya know, something that tries a bit too hard to give people information. Writing is pretty great on it’s own, and this is a personal blog, so what’s wrong with posting absolute drivel on Tuesdays?

Unrelated, but kinda related, my music is suffering as well. I keep trying to take bullshit songs I have and make them into masterpieces or something. An idea I’ve had is to just make the worst possible, bullshit punk album that sounds like total shit just to force myself to finish something. An album with songs like “I Hate My Life (Yeah Yeah Yeah),” “The Snow Can Melt Already,” “Comcast is The Devil,” “The Sun is Too Bright (Sometimes),” “It’s Cloudy and I Have No Motivation,” and “Dog Farts Stink”. You get the idea.

I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They’re great. This probably started with my parents making me a PB&J sandwich for lunch nearly everyday when I was going to school. Even then they were good, but I don’t know if that’s the only reason I’m so passionate about the sandwich.

They have everything you need! Bread, especially if you use some multi-grain wheat bread, provides you with carbs and fiber. The peanut butter provides fat and protein, and while plant-based proteins are kinda shit compared to meat proteins, at least you’re getting something. And with those two ingredients you have a source of all three of the macronutrients: carbohydrates, fats, and proteins. The jelly is basically sugar and doesn’t add much nutritionally besides moar carbs, but it’s all about the flavor here. The way the sugar mixes with the fatty creaminess of the peanut butter sets it all off in a way that is borderline orgasmic. You wouldn’t think jelly with peanut butter would be a match made in heaven – peanut butter and chocolate are much easier to imagine being the tag-team champions of the world that they are – but it fucking works.

(Note about peanut butter and banana sandwiches: I never thought these made sense. Chocolate and peanut butter, sure, what a combo. Jelly and peanut butter? Doesn’t make sense on paper but it works. Bananas? Huh? What? But now that I think about it, a banana is almost like a jelly. It’s sugary, it’s a soft fruit, so it functions on a sandwich just like a jelly would. Hmm…)

Let’s also give a shout-out to how easy these sandwiches are to make. A good meat sandwich can have like seven different ingredients to it. Seven steps at least to make one. That’s way too many! Want a turkey sandwich — turkey is great — and now you gotta put some cheese on it, add some mayonnaise, mustard if you’re a psycho, lettuce, tomatoes, pepperoncini peppers, and heaven forbid if you want bacon on the damn thing. Then you have to dirty a pan, pop grease all over the stove, and all to make a sandwich. Fuck all of that. Sandwiches are supposed to be lazy people food and elaborate sandwiches miss this point.

PB&Js are easy. You put fucking peanut butter and jelly on some bread. It’s like a five minute job, tops. It’s the perfect example of a sandwich being a lazy meal. Oh, and with no meat you don’t have to worry about it going bad if it isn’t refrigerated. You can leave it in your car for days (maybe) and it’ll still be fine. A bit soggy, sure, but edible if you don’t care about texture.

I like to sprinkle on some sunflower seeds as well. It’s another source of fat and protein and the seeds are packed with fiber. The saltiness of the seeds sets the sandwich off even more than usual; salty, sweet, and fatty goodness all in a delicious, mess-free, easy to handle and portable form. Like, come on guys! What else do you need to eat besides peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

The variations are almost endless as well. Who says you need to use peanut butter when many seeds can be turned to butter? A sunflower butter and jelly sandwich is a thing, and while similar to PB&J has it’s own taste profile going on. And I’ve made a few tahini and jelly sandwiches – tahini basically being sesame seed butter – and those are wonderfully different from the stock PB&J. Tahini is a bit more bitter than peanut butter so isn’t the most obviously delicious thing in the world, but some foods grow on you with their awkward uniqueness. (My go-to example: cilantro. Aspirin also tastes wonderfully tangy by the way…) And you’re not limited to only one nut butter either! Do a half-and-half version with peanut butter, tahini, and jelly. Mix and match to your hearts content!

Lets not even get started on jellies either. Grape is the typical, boring, go-to jelly, but nearly every fruit can be turned into jelly. Any grocery store that’s half decent will have a wide variety of jellies to choose from. Try ’em all out! You got raspberry, blueberry, strawberry, boring-ass grape, cherry, and the list goes on. Given all of the types of jellies and nut butters available, there are numerous possibilities to take a standard PB&J and turn it into something totally different.

And that seems like a terrible way to end this post but what else is there to say? PB&J sammiches are fucking amazing, and sure food is subjective — we’re all entitled to our own opinions — but if you don’t like PB&J sammiches, you’re wrong. Like, you’re just fucking wrong. Your opinion is invalid and you lose about 27 cool points by not liking PB&J.

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