Job Apps, Resumes, and Stuff

I stared at the box on the computer screen wondering what the hell I should write. “Why are you applying for this position?” I don’t know, good question, why am I? It sounds silly to be wondering why you’re applying for a position you’ve already started training for. So is the UPS way. Who knows.

I amusingly thought of being brutally honest about why I was applying. I am applying for this job because I need some change in my life. Ya see, I finally quit drinking last May and every other problem that was dulled by alcohol has come rushing back. I’ve been in the same position for fifteen years (!!!) and isn’t that about the saddest thing ever? I’ve let anxiety and fear run my life, I’m stagnant and unhappy and restless and I think it’s about time I change things. I’m not applying for this job out of any real reason other than to do something different, step outside my comfort zone, telling anxiety and fear to please fuck off, and yeah I guess it might help my work team to step up and take on some extra responsibilities. I’m qualified, know the operation, yada yada — all of that. So hire me please and thank you!

I mentioned this to my supervisor/trainer as a joke and she said, “Yeah, no, don’t write that.” I read what she had written on her past applications and realized the vibe of what should be written. Corporatese bullshit sentences about what you’ll actually do in the position. I still haven’t figured out what to write. I need to conjure up a good paragraph of corporatese language to really sell myself. Something about “leveraging my skills” or “building a relationship with my team and utilizing synergy to create a positive and productive work environment.” My goal is to go mildly over the top in my wording to where it’s borderline sarcastic. Make it sound good but a bit too professional to honestly come from myself.

And isn’t synergy about the most corporate bullshit word ever created? I’m sure there are hundreds but synergy is always at the top of my list.

There’s also the issue of creating a resume as well. I get the point of them, but oh is it hard to see the point. I’m a relatively unskilled worker and a resume is supposed to be you condensed down as a person. What do you know? What are your skills? Why are you valuable for this position you’re applying for? I don’t know; the self-depreciation hits a bit too hard sometimes. It’s a mental dilemma. Sometimes I’m certain I’m the best candidate for the job but when I list my skills – a very short list apparently – I really question it. Isn’t there someone else in the world with a better skillset/educational experience that can and should totally blow me out of the water? Probably. No. Certainly. But then back to my sometimes sizable ego where I’m sure I’m the best damn person for the job and everyone else can and should fuck off: this is MY job.

Note to self: I should probably work on my self-image. It’s a bit…unstable and hypocritical.

It’s also strange to be applying and stressing over a job application when the job has been given to you. It’s not officially mine yet, sure, but it’s mine. This past week I’ve been training even though I’m still technically an hourly union employee. The company has to do things the proper way: post the job, take applications for the job, interview for the job, but the workings of the company (probably most companies) is a bit more subtle than that. It’s not as much about your skills (although let’s not descend to much into cynicism here) but who you know. No, let’s reword that a bit. When you work with a team and the bosses know who you are and what you can do they can select you for the job without seriously thinking about other candidates. I don’t know how I feel about that. If someone off the street is more qualified than I am, shouldn’t they get the job? Shouldn’t they be given a fair shot? Yes, but also no. How can anyone off the street have the knowledge that I have? Sure they can learn and might be a better supervisor than me, but the Big Bosses want someone who can be effective ASAP, not someone who, while on paper is great, has to be trained from the ground up. The Big Bosses know what they’ll get with me – the positives and the negatives – and maybe that’s better than a big bag of unknowns.

I should also note how I’m worried about some rando off the street not getting a fair shot at the job. Why do I care? I don’t know. Maybe my ego is a bit non-existent here. Maybe I should have an attitude of, “This is my damn job and no one elses! I’m the perfect fit to do this so fuck ’em!” You know, a bit more aggression and purpose in the direction of my life.

This was a bit of a personal throwaway post — something more for me than anyone else — but whatever. I’m getting pretty good at those as of late. I really don’t have the motivation to pull of a proper post quite yet.

Instagram: where I post pointless artistic pics and shitty poems daily whenever I get around to it.

My other blog where I sometimes never post stories but might get around to it sometime soonish.