The First Blog Post Sucks

As I’ve said in the “About” page (that you probably haven’t even looked at yet), I’ve been throwing around the idea of Everything Sucks for quite a while now. You know how ideas are. At first an idea might seem good but after a while of serious pondering and talking to other people you slowly realize that your idea fucking sucks. I suppose I was waiting for that to happen with Everything Sucks but it never did. What really happened was I’d get drunk and the idea seemed to get even better, so good that I was kicking myself in the ass for not following through with it. Why not? I’d ask my drunken self before I passed out. After struggling with a total lack of motivation, well, here we are! A real working blog!

And as with all really cool ideas you’re excited about, you start to worry about your execution. You don’t want to have your good idea come out half-assed and sloppy because then you look stupid. You’ve been going on and on internally and to others about your good idea only to possibly drop spaghetti out of your pockets and fuck the whole thing up right from the get-go. I didn’t want to do that so even after getting the blog set up I still sat around and felt terror and dread over what the hell to make my first post about.

One day it hit me like something so obvious it was as obvious as something obvious. (My analogies Suck btw. Future post on that…). If I’m here writing a blog about everything sucking, why the fuck would I make my first post about politics, grilled cheese sandwiches, or creepers in Minecraft? No. Everything Sucks. Especially, especially, especially making the first damn blog post.

Making the first blog post is a big thing! You want it to be perfect! You want it to be amazing! You want the light of the computer screen or tablet to turn anything it shines upon into gold because your first blog post is so damn amazing. So what do you do? Sit there. Brainstorm. You come up with a bunch of topics that sort of work but scream “you’re trying too hard.” You start writing only to stop, erase, start again, get drunk, erase, drink some more, and then you’re a nervous wreck of a blogger who hasn’t even posted anything. Eventually you get that post churned out, and it sucks, but you get it posted and you feel as awkward as a kid who shit their pants in school.

The problem isn’t that your first post sucks, it’s just that you’ve put too much weight into what it actually says. A blog isn’t like a music album where you’d have to suffer through that awful track 1 every time to get to the music that is actually good. Since you’ve just started your blog, few people will read it as it’s expected that your viewerswill go up over time. Most people will see your later posts – the posts where you’ve finally gotten your voice, tone, and purpose of your blog into a well-defined form – and no one will care that your first post is terrible.

So writing the first blog post sucks. You put way too much effort and care to how you first post will appear and basically no one who reads your blog in the future will ever give a fuck about it. So now that that is over, I can breathe a sigh of relief and get down to the real work ahead. Sorry this post sucked.

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