Tag Archives: Covfefe

Trump Sucks: The Worst President Ever

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I have a long-standing rule on this blog to never write about politics. Why? Because no one wants to hear hot opinions from some random blogger, especially when everyone’s Facebook feeds are already filled with hot political opinions from dumbass family members. Politics was exhausting, especially over the last four looooong years. But today is yesterday was a different day. As I write this Joe Biden is now our current president. Do I like the guy? Sure, he’s okay. I was more of a Bernie fan during the primaries, but Joe Biden isn’t a bad guy by a long shot. I think he’ll be a “boring” president, but boring is exactly what we need right now. Hell, anyone not Donald Trump would be a blessing. I’d take a baked potato over Donald Trump. At least the potato wouldn’t fuck anything up or tweet anything stupid.

(Fun face: I wrote a blog post in late 2016 about “The Biden Memes” on my old blog. I was proud of it and it’s probably the oldest post I’ve ever linked to.)

Me yesterday.

Basically what I’m saying is: It’s Over. It’s finally over. It’s like we’re all Sam and Frodo and collectively tossed that cursed ring into Mt. Doom where it belongs. It’s the end of a terrible four year adventure through Mordor, so let’s all breathe a sigh of relief.

Before we set out on the next four years of a Biden/Harris administration I really want to get Donald Trump out of my system and just shamelessly bitch about the guy. I’ve hated him about as much as you can hate someone as he’s diametrically opposed to my own values. I value truth and love to admit when I’m wrong. I love science. I love progress. I have solar panels and shit outside my home. Coal sucks, climate change is a real threat, and so on endlessly. I like the Mexican family that lives next to us. I hate conspiracy theories. I’m fairly humble, shy, soft-spoken, and eat pizza without a fork. I check my spelling before I post anything. He’s just…well we all know how he is.

I remember election day in 2016. I was at work, happy, and looking forward to heading home to watching the assclown that is Donald Jay Trump get totally decimated by Hillary Clinton. An hour before I left the internet had some not good new: Trump was actually doing pretty well. Huh, that’s strange. On my way home I picked up a case of beer and proceeded to get very pessimistically drunk that night. Eventually the election was called in Trump’s favor and I continued to hopelessly drinking.

The next day I awoke with severe hangxiety coupled with good-ole dread for the future. My mood was so shitty that I called into work that night as I couldn’t stand to be around any of my “fellow Americans” who might want to talk about the election, or worse, gloat about Trump’s victory. I drank again that night.

There was also quite a bit of drama on Facebook as acquaintances and family members we’re being strangely supportive of the guy. “Give him a chance!” they said. “He might be a good president!” “We need to give him our support!” Okay, fine, sure, I replied. I was hopeful that maybe the entire 2016 election was a show and since Trump finally won he’d be a proper adult and not so much of an assclown. Maybe he would be a good president? I’d love to be wrong about Trump being a bad president — no one wins when we’re all suffering — but I didn’t have high hopes.

Well, I was right. I love to say “I told you so. Duh. What did you expect?” and I’ll never not say “I told you so.” regarding Donald Trump. Once he was sworn in the first thing he did was bitch about how the media was wrong about his inauguration crowd size. This was classic pre-election Trump and no one should’ve been surprised; this wasn’t pre-election Trump, this was just Donald Trump as he naturally is. It was about that time I knew all of my dread from November was totally justified. All the bitching I did on Facebook about him being totally unfit for president, so obviously bad character-wise that I was shocked at how anyone could see him on the campaign trail and think, “Yes, this guy for president please!” I admit I was massively wrong about one thing: nuclear war. I was for certain Trump would nuke someone and I’m so happy I was wrong.

What did Trump do for four years? Nothing: Trump didn’t get a fucking thing done in office. How’s the swamp? Is it drained yet? How’s that border wall coming along? Have the Mexicans paid for it yet? What about Hillary Clinton? Is she in jail yet? Is Obamacare repealed yet? Is the budget balanced? And the long-running joke that no one in the political sphere can ever forget: Is it Infrastructure Week again? So soon? Seriously, with republicans in control of the presidency, the house, and the senate, nothing was accomplished except a (mostly) corporate tax-cut. And don’t even get me started about the rights crusade against abortion; they didn’t do shit to follow up on that either.

Obviously he’s done some other immensely stupid shit while president. I already mentioned bitching about his crowd sizes, but Trump bitching about anything factual is par for the course. Speaking of par; this motherfucker golfed more than any other president before him. Remember him bitching about Obama golfing so much and saying that ‘he’d be so busy working he’d have to time to golf’? Yeah, I remember, but this is just one of the thousands of silly bullshit things he’s spouted off over the past decade that his braindead supporters can’t connect the dots to. We also have him to thank for drawing on a hurricane prediction map with a sharpie, the magical word that is ‘covfefe’, the other wonderful word ‘hamberders’, and the suggestion that nuking a hurricane might be a good idea. Because that’s how weather works. The list goes on: raking the forest to stop fires, Hurricane Florence being ‘the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water‘, ‘National Emergency: two very big wooooords’, ‘Gyna’, ‘look, having nuclear…‘, injecting bleach or UV radiation to stop COVID, and chucking fucking paper towels at hurricane victims. I’m sure there’s more but fuck it, let’s get on with the bitchfest.

HAMBERDERS ETC. GREAT GUYS AND BIG EATERS!

He’s go down in history as the most hilarious president but this is overshadowed by all of the really dark shit that he’s responsible for, but I don’t even want to get into it. 400,000 dead from COVID is the best example. Democratic hoax my ass; that’s why you took credit for the vaccine, right? Because it’s all a hoax. Oh yeah! A hoax that he caught himself. What a fucking clown. The corruption, the grifting, let’s ignore all of that too. I think Donald Trump is hurt more by people laughing at him than being mad at him. (Remember him at the UN when everyone laughed at him? “Didn’t expect that reaction, but it’s okay.”) Being mad at Trump won’t fix any of the things he fucked up, so let’s really get under his skin and laugh at him. Clowns are supposed to be laughed at, right?

At least the Trump memes are good.

The one thing that I think will hang around in my mind forever concerning Donald Trump is “Why?” Seriously, why this guy? Why did a huge portion of the country throw their support behind this moron? I don’t think I’m the best judge of character, but even I could see he was a fucking idiot, dipshit, clown, jackass after hearing a few sentences long before he was actually president. But people love this fucking guy! Why, why, why? Why did a bunch of supporters raid the Capital January 6th to keep this guy in office? Why did they put their lives at risk to support him? It doesn’t make any sense to me at all.

Despite this guy being the worst of the worst, a narcissist straight out of a badly-written and unbelievable TV show script, a liar with no regard of what can easily be proven true, and a ‘businessman’ who filed for bankruptcy six fucking times (he failed at casinos: where you literally take money from people), he somehow failed his way into the presidency. It’s like he trips on the first step in a flight of stairs and somehow rolls all the way up to the top floor. You gotta admit that is some talent there and I’d like to be a massive fucking clown and fail upwards. But fuck me, here I am writing a blog post bitching about the guy a few minutes before I have to leave for work, trying to work hard and actually make some coherent point along the way.

Before Trump I held the view that any real fascist would be dangerously charismatic. Like if I imagined myself in late 1920s and early ’30s Germany I wouldn’t be certain that I wouldn’t fall for Hitler’s bullshit. Not to say I’d love the racism and scapegoating the Jews, but still, the guy was charismatic as fuck and maybe the slow creep towards genocide wouldn’t be obvious and I’d be sucked in like everyone else at the time. I always thought Hitler was such an evil and dangerous guy because he was so charismatic. The people you have to watch out for, the real fascists, seem like great people at first.

Annnnd Trump. A fucking moron from the first fucking moment. This guy couldn’t get people to follow him because he’s so fucking stupid, right? No, wrong. Apparently 30% of the country loves the guy, thinks he’s done an outstanding job, and is the savior to the US. Hell, some religious people literally put him up there with Jesus. Mr. “Grab ’em by the pussy!” I suppose this makes me feel a bit better about myself: at least I’m not that fucking stupid. But I live here with these people and they do vote. They have a say in how my/our country is run, and that’s terrifying. They’re gullible as hell, resistant to facts or logic, and live in their own reality. Trump isn’t dangerous, it’s the cult he somehow tapped into that’s dangerous. And once again I have no clue how or why these morons are so enamored with the guy. Look at him for fucks sake! This is the guy everyone went all in on? The guy the GOP catered to for over four years? Him?

Our Lord and Savior, Mr. Spray Tan.

Obviously I’m lacking a good conclusion to this post. I think the “Why Donald Trump?” Is a question that can only fully be answered by some academic scholar’s book a few years or decades from now. I have an idea though. It’s probably due to years of right-wing propaganda from FOX and the like. And it probably has something to do with social media and how everyone can hole up in echo chambers and make their own realities, and ignore facts and truth. Toss in some Russian propaganda into social media for good measure. Maybe the problem goes deeper: maybe people are hopeless and latched onto Trump and the MAGA cult as a way to actually have purpose in life. Everyone likes to be on a team and this is why cults are a thing. They prey on the downtrodden and rejected of us, and maybe MAGA is a political version of this. Maybe it has something to do with the loss of jobs or poverty in manufacturing sectors — a hope to reclaim what has been lost over the decades. And hell, maybe it’s due to plain good ole racism, a way for those “The South will rise again!” idiots to live their fantasies. Maybe it’s a little bit of all of that, but I’m no expert.

It was a bit rambly of a post, but Fuck You Donald Trump. You represented the worst of what America has to offer, did nothing to support or protect the citizens, and only looked out for your own fragile ego. But you’re gone and I’m going to savor the next four years not having to hear about your stupid ass all the time. Good. Fucking. Riddance.

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Donald Trump Sucks: Covfefe

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Note: Like I noted in my first post about the Dolan, I noted that there is a struggle between making relevant posts about Trump and keeping it up to date with all the shit that happens so quickly. I’ll try to put relevant notes and updates around instead of trying to rewrite the damn thing over and over…

It was like the Tweet Heard ’round the World, or something like that. As I awoke, I checked Facebook on my phone and somehow this strange word was being thrown around. Here. I’ll write it out right now:

Covfefe

At the time, with the haze of just waking up, I knew something had happened in the world that I wasn’t aware of yet. It’s sort of how you might wake up to find news about a celebrity dying, and see tons of posts about it, but where you still don’t know what actually happened. That’s sort of how it was with me and covfefe a few days ago.

Now that we all know what covfefe is…well maybe you don’t! Let’s cover that really quickly. Donald Trump, our tweeter extroidiane is known to tweet stupid shit at crazy hours of the morning instead of, well, maybe relaxing because being president is a tough job. These tweets are often about the media being mean to him and how it’s unfair #MAGA. I don’t give two fucks about if you think it’s unfair and that the “fake news” is trying to crucify the guy: you still don’t get on twitter and cry about it. That’s what a 4-year-old would do. Anyways, this is what he does, and it isn’t that big of a deal; we’re all used to it by now. But then this beauty appears. Update: He did delete it so I can’t link to the “real one.” But the internet doesn’t forget stuff, so here’s a screenshot:

 

170531121403-trump-covfefe-tweet-screengrab-super-169

Thanks to whoever screencapped this. And whoever I stole it from. Whatever.

 

It starts off in a predictable way and no one would’ve batted an eye to in had it continued like you might’ve expected it to. “Despite the constant negative press…” But then, suddenly, the tweet goes fucking insane and ridiculous and it’s over without any punctuation, “Sad!,” or anything else to let you know it’s over. It’s like a gunshot to your eyeballs: covfefe.

Why does covfefe suck?

Covfefe isn’t really a big deal: no one has died (maybe from laughter though, or knowing how pathetic America as a whole appears to the rest of the civilized world?), the environment hasn’t been polluted (Update: We left the Paris Climate Agreement Thingy so yeah, we’re sort of fucked, but not in relation to covfefe…), and we aren’t in another war (yet). The president, by tweeting covfefe did almost no harm to anything. So why the fuck is there a post about this Sucking? There’s are a few reasons. Let’s get started.

First off, covfefe isn’t a real word which is stupid. The sentence ending without any punctuation hinted that covfefe isn’t a real word — as well as no one knowing what the hell it was — and the fact that every time I write that profaned word it’s underlined by Google Docs furthers the point. You could look up covfefe in a dictionary but you wouldn’t find anything because it’s not a real word! It doesn’t even sound like a real word, so you can’t even insist the guy made it up like Colbert did with truthiness. At least that word is pronounceable. Covfefe isn’t a real word, and it would a shitty attempt at a “making new word.”

Secondly, it appears to be a spelling error which is even stupider. By using context clues to figure out a word you don’t know the meaning of — just like we were taught back in fifth grade — seems to hint that covfefe is meant to be coverage. This fits well following the tweet’s “constant negative press” and sounds like a word you’d expect in a typical Trump tweet. This pushes the whole ordeal into the realm of being a misspelled word, but fuck is it misspelled! The first three letters, cov-, match in both the words, but covfefe ends in a -fefe while coverage ends in -erage. Let’s all bust out our phone keypads and check them out: the –erage seems to be sort of close to fefe on a typical phone keyboard, but the “a” is way off to the left! If the word is misspelled from coverage, well, it sure is a hell of a misspell that autocorrect didn’t get to lay a single finger on.

So it’s a misspell. So what? Well, the tweet ends there. No explanation, no finishing the thought. Had the tweet read “Despite the constant negative press covfefe I had a bigly successful erupoean visit! #MAGA!” we would’ve all laughed at how he butchered a word words that is are pretty common and easy to spell. I mean even if you let him slip on a spelling error, what the fuck happened to the rest of the sentence? It’s gone, absent, and further enhances the stupid mystique of covfefe. We have another stupid-ass strike in this covfefe affair: it’s a sentence fragment.

But that isn’t all, no. Far from it! Covfefe gets worse! You see, covfefe isn’t a translation error, a transcription error, and it isn’t a speaking error. People stumble, stutter, and misspeak all the time while giving speeches but no one laughs at them because it’s live and people fuck up. But this is a written tweet that he is in control of. What we see isn’t a live thing, where if he fucked up you might see the mistake and forgive him. No. He had to type it out and somehow post this train wreck without noticing or thinking to reread it. To me, that is the most damning thing about it. You have to fuck up pretty badly to type such a horrific thing on a phone, AND THEN POST IT. AND THEN NOT DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY AFTER YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU’VE DONE! (Update: It has been deleted. :() With Trump, I imagine he was tweeting in secret for fear of losing his phone and then upon being caught immediately posted it. My point here is that there is a record of it now. Had he deleted it before he posted it, no one would’ve know. But here we are…

…So Why is covfefe Bad?

Like I said, no one was really harmed by this incident. But to me it speaks volumes about the president and his incompetence that should somehow be free of partisan viewpoints. Look, people can disagree on whether trickle down economics works or not, and each side could present facts and arguments supporting their viewpoints, and then each side could argue about it.

But covfefe isn’t some policy bullshit to be argued over in perpetuity; it’s a train wreck tweet that is so bad it’s amazing the president of the United States posted it. It’s so amateurish it’s laughable. It’s totally harmless to any policy or anything that will have a major effect. No one should be up in arms about covfefe because it’s so stupid and trivial. But that’s kinda my point: if it’s so trivial why is it even a thing?

Remember in high school or college where you were expected to know how to spell or to use commas? It’s kind of like that. Having proper grammar shows others that you care about details and how your argument, views, and opinions appear. I don’t think anyone purposely uses bad grammar; some just don’t seem to care about the details of it or haven’t learned yet. But it always seems to be a goal that should be strived towards. As you get higher in school, or the world, you’re simply expected to know how to spell words or to use a comma. As I see it, if you can’t spell or use grammar properly, why would I expect that’d you’d be a good doctor, scientist, financial advisor, or anything really? If you can’t be bothered to use the right their, they’re, or there, why the fuck would I think you’d be competent in any other skill? Sure Donald Trump might be a master businessman, but really? You think so? When he can’t spell coverage correctly and stop himself from posting it? This is the guy playing 45-dimensional chess with the Russians? Come on.

He doesn’t care. He’s sloppy. Consequences don’t exist to him. Spelling doesn’t matter. Deleting a stupid tweet doesn’t matter. Why would anyone have faith in a person so incompetent as to misspell coverage as covfefe and post it. Why would this guy ever be expected to subtly understand policy and complex topics such as the world economy when he can’t proofread a tweet? Covfefe is a microcosm of everything wrong with Trump, made perfectly clear in a simple 7 letter “word.” say it again. Covfefe. Donald trump Sucks.

Update: The spin begins. Trump’s buddies are hinting that covfefe was just a thing to get liberals and the media riled up as some sort of a “joke.” Or to point at how the media is stupid and overreacts. Others have said that covfefe is an inside joke and according to Sean Spicer “The president and a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” Dolan also went on twitter and posted this gem, further driving the “I did it on purpose!” story:

The President of the United States people.