I Suck Mental Health Sucks Shitpost Tuesday Uncategorized

A Farewell…For Now

Hey everyone, how y’all doing? I’ve been okay – struggling with motivation – but what’s new?

I wanted to write this post just so people didn’t think I dropped dead or something. I’m fine. No binge drinking, no impromptu depression and/or suicidal thoughts, no current life crisis to deal with. Not that anyone is probably wondering where I am, but still.

(Note: Everyone I know seems to be dealing with some major issue in their life while I’m somehow fine for once. I think this is another unwritten rule of the universe: total misery remains a constant. I can’t prove that though.)

For awhile I’ve been wanted to write a blog post about absences online versus absences in Real Life™ but I never knew what to make of it. Just be aware there is a difference and it seems important in some way, I’m just not sure of how exactly. Maybe it points to how social media causes depression and unhappiness, I don’t know.

Imagine dropping off the face of the earth. You stop contacting friends, you stop going to work, you’re just gone. You’d be lucky to go a full day without someone asking questions, meddling in your seclusion. Your boss calling you. Your friends wondering why you haven’t replied to their calls/texts, stuff like that. I guess my point is that the act of reclusion is a notable thing.

Move this scenario to the online world. You haven’t shitposted on Facebook in a month. You haven’t uploaded any life-affirming quotes on Instagram recently. You haven’t posted or commented on anyone’s blogs. You’re gone. And no one notices this because nonexistence is the default for the online world. Your absence can’t be noticed because you have to do something to interact with the internet.

I only make a big deal out of this because it happened to me with a blogger/acquaintance I’d known for a few years via Facebook. They were a barefoot runner like myself, and they posted frequently in a barefoot running group. One day, they came out as transgender and began transitioning (sorry if that’s not the correct term: I’m ignorant as possible here) to a woman. They started a blog about running, barefooting, and becoming their true person while being well into their 40s. I started following their blog because that’s a hell of an adventure to read about.

Then one day they disappeared. But I didn’t know this until six fucking months later. They popped into my head randomly and I thought, “Hey, yeah, where did that person go? They haven’t posted in forever and I hope they’re alright…” Turns out they were and recently started (very sparsely) posting a few months ago. And once again they haven’t posted much since.

So to prevent that situation to whoever has random thoughts like that: I’m taking a break from blogging. How long? Who knows because even I don’t know.

So let’s get into that I guess. I’ll start my hiatus by rambling on about stuff like I do. Yeah.

I’ve been really internalizing the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown. I wrote about it here but didn’t say a whole lot. To recap: we’re distracted. Life is a bunch of tradeoffs and we let ourselves get pulled into way too many things at once. As Daddy Buffett said, make a list of 25 things you want to do, and circle five of them. The top five are what you pursue and focus on. As for the other twenty, Buffett says, “Everything you didn’t circle just became your Avoid-At-All-Cost list. No matter what, these things get no attention from you until you’ve succeeded with your top 5.” These are things you enjoy and are much more able to distract your from the most important goal and are much more dangerous than anything else you could do. In short, be a specialist in what is important to you and not some half-assed jack-of-all-trades/master of none sort of deal.

Where does blogging fit into this? In my finite amount of time, energy, and priorities (which are all severely limited somehow), what purpose does blogging serve exactly? An outlet? Well I can do that just fine on my own without stressing about people reading it; that’s called a journal. Get rich? Hell no. Make a ‘brand?’ No, absolutely not. In short I was wondering exactly my goal here is, what’s the endgame, what finish line am I shooting for here. Only one answer: a shrug and a big, fat, “I don’t really know…”

It does help to have a goal, a prize, to carry you through the tough stuff. You suffer for hours in school/college for a degree and a well-paying job. That’s why you suffer. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel. The prize you’re after and with your eyes fixated on it its easy to keep them distracted from the stinky shit you’re wading through on the way there. I’m conjuring an image of Andy Dufresne crawling through a sewage pipe in the film The Shawshank Redemption in my head right now. That’s a fitting analogy, isn’t it?

Blogging feels like that shit tunnel but without a light at the end. Like I’m crawling through shit voluntarily and without reason. And hell, over the past two months I’ve been crawling through more shit than usual because I was told that having a structured shit-crawling schedule would be better than periodically, when-I-feel-like-it shit-crawling.

Sadly, the thought of not blogging again sounds repulsive – maybe I like the shit-tunnel – and over the past week I’ve missed it. I keep thinking of stuff to write about and realizing that I’m supposed to be giving it a break. Goddamn is being a person frustrating. Like for once can what I feel and what I actually do make coherent sense at least for a little while? Modest Mouse: “I’ve changed my mind so much I can’t even trust it. My mind changed me so much I can’t even trust myself.”

So to wrap this up, I’ll be around. I still want to read y’alls blogs and see what the few of you are up to, and I’m fine and still here, but I’m taking a little break for now. And if my past actions mean anything ‘ll probably be posting regularly again within a week or two, totally negating the theme and purpose of this entire post. Because for some reason I won’t be able to commit to the idea of not committing to blogging. FUCK!

By TheBlackhairedGuy

I'm a guy. And I have black hair. Well not really because it is slowly turning grey. I suppose TheNotquiteBlackhairedGuy doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it? I write the blog as well as dabble in some freelance writing.

2 replies on “A Farewell…For Now”

“Goddamn is being a person frustrating.” True story. I’m in a similar boat with blogging. I’m reminded of Brokeback Mountain sometimes: “I wish I knew how to quit you.” 💝


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